E-Dating - Friendship, Fun and Flirting Online!
by Sharon Jacobsen
Those of us who are over twenty-five will remember a time when we socialising meant physically being with others. We developed friendships, went dating, met our future partners, and did our flirting in what's now often termed 'the real world'.
But times change. These are the "noughties" and with the turn of the millennium came a new way of finding love and friendship. It's called e-dating. It happens on the Internet and it's fast, fun and funky.
Caroline, an attractive 38-year-old divorcee from London met her current partner online. "If it hadn't been for the Internet," she says" I'd probably still be sitting at home every night, watching the box." But wouldn't she have met a partner elsewhere, I wonder? "I doubt it," she says. "I'm not the type to go to pubs alone and I'm really quite shy around men. Internet dating gave me the chance to get to know people before deciding whether or not I wanted to take things any further. Even some of my closest women friends are people I've met online."
And Caroline isn't alone. All over the world, men and women are turning to the Internet in a bid to improve their social lives - and it works! US dating sites got around 500 million unique visitors during 2004! That's almost ten times as many visits as there are people in the whole of the UK! Incredible!
Gone is the stigma once attached to e-friendship - the Internet is no more full of dirty old men and tired women than your local High Street on a Saturday afternoon. It's just another place where people go to shop, hang out and meet friends.
"Having a disability makes it difficult for me to meet people," explained Linda, a 42-year-old home-worker from Swansea. "I'm a sociable person but years of working from home meant my social life suffered. Luckily, the Internet changed all that. I date quite regularly now but mostly I meet people for friendship. I'd definitely recommend it to anybody whose feeling isolated."
Having a disability isn't the only reason people suffer social isolation. Although most common amongst the elderly, younger people are increasingly feeling cut off from society, especially those who have recently suffered a relationship breakdown and mothers of young children. The increase in electronic interaction is simply a reflection of the dramatic social changes that have taken place over the past ten years or so. We work longer hours and often work away from home, local communities barely exist, friends we grew up with have spread far and wide, and even workplace relationships are actively discouraged.
"Travelling the country for most of the week leaves me bushed at the weekend," said 31-year-old Danny from Manchester. "The last thing I need when I get home is to be stressing with night clubs and stuff, especially as most of my friends are still down south. Logging onto a dating site, reading through my messages and maybe meeting up with somebody for a quiet meal is by far the better option."
While busy professionals are using the Internet to help them relax, others are logging on because their budgets simply won't stretch to traditional offline dating.
"It'd cost me a fortune in baby-sitters if I were to go out every time I fancied a good flirt," explained Leanne, a 25-year-old divorced mother of two from Glasgow. "I have an insatiable lust for life that's difficult to satisfy when you've nothing but the TV for company in the evening," she said. "Instead, once the kids are in bed I log on to my favourite web haunts and look out for my favourite men. I see it as a bit of innocent fun and although I've met up with some and become quite good friends with a few offline, my online friendships are what keep me sane."
Sounds like Leanne's having plenty of fun. And what could be better? On the Net she can be anonymous and flirt without the fear of repercussions. The worst that's happened to her was receiving unwanted emails from a man she'd 'snubbed'. "I only ever use web-based mail services to contact men through now, though," she explained. "That way, I manage to keep any unwanted attention out of my day-to-day life."
But what if you enjoy your online 'flirts' so much that you want to bring them into the so-called 'real world?'
"Obviously, you have to practise caution, just as you would when meeting anybody you didn't know well," said Linda, an attractive 24-year-old accounts manager living in London. "But how many times haven't you met somebody in a pub, given him your number and asked him to call you? I'd say I knew my online friends a lot better by the time I met them 'for real' than any of those I've ever spoken to in a pub for an hour or so."
I nod and agree - I know exactly where Linda's coming from. "Of course," she continues, "that doesn't mean you should just invite any old Tom, Dick or Harry to your house. You have to use your common sense, too."
Indeed you do.
Whether meeting for friendship or dates, meet in a neutral place, tell others where you're going, and carry a fully charged mobile phone with you. Once you've met, use your intuition. If you're not comfortable, make your excuses. If you feel ok, proceed as you would on any other date.
"I was really nervous the first time I met Barry," said Helen, a 57-year-old widow from Shropshire. "I'd been alone for over ten years and honestly didn't think I'd ever start dating again, let alone fall in love."
But Helen did find love. After expressing to friends that she'd like a companion, they suggested she join an online dating site. "I exchanged messages with a few men," she explained, "but one in particular stuck out. When Barry and I eventually met, I knew he was the one. We've been inseparable ever since."
Love at first sight? Maybe. But Helen and Barry both felt they knew each other long before they physically met. Which is a side of the Internet dating that separates it from the more traditional forms of socialising - you get to know the person, rather than the face.
"By the time I met Ann, it didn't matter that she weighs 16 stone and wears a size 22," said Kenny, a 31-year-old car salesman from Essex. "I knew she was 8 years older than me and that she wasn't slim but I'd fallen for her personality and nothing else mattered." And Kenny's sincere. He's put a ring on Ann's finger and is planning to make her his "missus" next Spring.
So whether it's friendship, flirts or a fundamentally life-changing experience you're after, Internet dating is the modern way to go. Will certain sites soon become the place to be seen? Watch this space!
|
